(original by David Parsons)

I took exception to your recent  ___ post to _____________________.
                                 ___ email

It was (check all that apply):

___ lame.
___ stupid.
___ much longer than any worthwhile thought of which you may be capabbe.

Your attention is drawn to the fact that:

___ what you posted/said has been done before.
    (Mark only if above checked)
    ___ Not only that, it was also done better the last time.
___ your post/letter was a pathetic imitation of   ______________________.
___ your post/mail originated on FidoNet.
___ your post/mail originated on Delphi.
___ your post referred to the newsgroup as a Board, BBoard, BBS, or
___ your post contained commercial advertising.
    THE FINE FOR THIS IS $20. Please remit immediately to:
                    Usenet News
      Network Security & Standards Patrol
      3 Cielo Vista Terrace
      Monterey, CA 93940
    or your posting privileges will be cancelled.
___ your post/letter contained numerous spelling errors.
___ your post/letter contained multiple grammatical errors.
___ you are unfamiliar with the concept of the paragraph.
___ you posted a "newgroup" message without Leader Kibo's permission.
___ you posted a "rmgroup" message without Bruce Becker's permission.
___ your post/letter was an obvious forgery.
    (Mark only if above checked)
    ___ It was done clumsily.
___ you have a lame login name.
___ your machine has a stupid name.
___ you quoted an article/letter in followup and added no new text.
___ you quoted an article/letter in followup and only added ___ lines
    of text.
___ you quoted an article in followup and only added the line "Me, too!!!"
___ you predicted the "Imminent Death of the Net[tm]".
___ you asked for replies via email because you "don't read this group".
___ you flamed someone who has been around far longer than you.
___ you flamed someone who is far more intelligent and witty than you.
___ your lines are 80 columns wide or wider.
___ you failed to check the "Followups-To:" line.
___ your .sig is longer than four lines.
    (Mark only if above checked)
    ___ And your newsreader truncated it.
___ your .sig is ridiculous because (check all that apply):
    ___ you listed ___ snail mail address(es).
 (Mark only if above checked)
 ___ you listed a nine-digit ZIP code.
    ___ you listed ___ phone numbers for people to use in prank calls.
    ___ you included a stupid disclaimer.
        (Mark only if above also)
         ___ your pathetic attempt at being witty in the disclaimer failed.
         (Mark only if above also)
             ___ Miserably.
    ___ you included:
        (Mark all that apply) 
         ___ a stupid self-quote.
  ___ a stupid quote from a net.nobody.
         ___ a Rush Limbaugh quote.
         ___ a Dan Quayle joke.
         ___ a reference to Beavis & Butthead.
         ___ lame ASCII graphic(s) (Choose all that apply):
             ___ USS Enterprise
             ___ Australia
      ___ The Amiga logo
             ___ Company logo
                 (Mark only if above also)
                 ___ and you stated that you don't speak for your employer.
             ___ Bicycle
      ___ Bart Simpson


___ You have greatly misunderstood the purpose of __________________.
___ You have greatly misunderstood the purpose of the net.
___ You are a loser.
___ You must have spent your entire life in a skinner box to be this
___ *plonk*
___ This has been pointed out to you before.
___ It is recommended that you:
    (Mark all that apply)
    ___ stick to FidoNet and come back when you've grown up.
    ___ find a volcano and throw yourself in.
    ___ get a gun and shoot yourself.
    ___ stop reading Usenet news and get a life.
    ___ stop sending email and get a life.
    ___ consume excrement.
    ___ consume excrement and thus expire.

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