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                     STANDARDIZED BONEHEAD REPLY FORM

(check all boxes that apply)

Dear:

 [ ] Clueless Newbie   [ ] Lamer         [ ] Lame-ass Flamer
 [ ] Luser             [ ] Spammer       [ ] Troller
 [ ] "Me too" er       [ ] Pervert       [ ] Geek
 [ ] Idiot             [ ] Nerd          [ ] Elvis
 [ ] Racist            [ ] Fed           [ ] Freak                  
 [ ] Fundamentalist    [ ] Satanist      [ ] Homeopath
 [ ] Unbearably self-righteous person    [ ] Lazy Student


I took exception to your recent:

 [ ] Email   [ ] Postings to ___________________.
                               (newsgroup)
 
It was (check all that apply):

 [ ] Lame           [ ] Stupid         [ ] Abusive
 [ ] Clueless       [ ] Idiotic        [ ] Brain-damaged
 [ ] Imbecilic      [ ] Arrogant       [ ] Malevolent
 [ ] Contemptible   [ ] Libelous       [ ] Ignorant
 [ ] Boring         [ ] Dim            [ ] Cowardly
 [ ] Deceitful      [ ] Demented       [ ] Self-righteous
 [ ] Crazy          [ ] Weird          [ ] Hypocritical
 [ ] Loathsome      [ ] Satanic        [ ] Despicable
 [ ] Belligerent    [ ] Mind-numbing   [ ] Maladroit
 [ ] Much longer than any worthwhile thought of which you may be capable.
 


 Your attention is drawn to the fact that:

 [ ] You posted what should have been emailed
 [ ] You obviously don't know how to read your newsgroups line
 [ ] You are trying to make money on a non-commercial newsgroup
 [ ] You self-righteously impose your religious beliefs on others
 [ ] You self-righteously impose your racial beliefs on others
 [ ] You self-righteously impose your luserish beliefs on others
 [ ] You self-righteously impose your parasitic beliefs on others
 [ ] You directly flamed me after I plonked your tushie
 [ ] Moreover, I could do it better than you
 [ ] You looked a gift horse up the arse
 [ ] Posted what has been done before
 [ ] Not only that, it was done better the last time
 [ ] You told me to hit "DELETE"
 [ ] You showed intelligence off the deep end of the bell curve
 [ ] You used the phrase "Information Superhighway"
 [ ] You used HTML to post to news
 [ ] You backed up *nothing* you said
 [ ] Not only that, I could argue your case better than you
 [ ] You are eligible for the John M. Grubor Memorial Award
 [ ] Nobody likes you
 [ ] This has been pointed out to you before
 [ ] You posted a binary in a non-binaries group
 [ ] You don't know which group to post in
 [ ] You posted something totally uninteresting
 [ ] You crossposted to *way* too many newsgroups
 [ ] I don't like your tone of voice
 [ ] You quoted an *entire* post in your reply
 [ ] Your signature is over 4 lines, the net standard.
 [ ] You started a long, stupid thread
 [ ] You continued spreading a long stupid thread
 [ ] Your post is absurdly off topic for where you posted it 
     [ ] It was an advertisement for a Web site
         [ ] You only gave the URL besides
             [ ] You used the same, stupid URL as the title
     [ ] You justified it with a "broader audience" excuse
 [ ] You posted a followup to crossposted robot-generated spam
 [ ] You posted a "test" in a discussion group rather than in alt.test
 [ ] You posted a "YOU ALL SUCK" message
 [ ] You posted an artfully disguised equivalent of a "YOU ALL SUCK" message
 [ ] You posted low-IQ flamebait
 [ ] You posted a blatantly obvious troll
 [ ] You followed up to a blatantly obvious troll
 [ ] You posted an "official notice" to someone, as if it had any weight
 [ ] You posted an "official notice" to the whole group, as if it had any
     weight
 [ ] You threatened to sue someone
     [ ] For something ridiculous
     [ ] Multiple times
 [ ] You cried "libel"
 [ ] You said "me too" to something
 [ ] You make no sense
 [ ] Your sig/alias is dreadful
 [ ] You must have spent your life in a skinner box to be this clueless.
 [ ] You posted a phone-sex ad
 [ ] You posted a stupid pyramid money making scheme
 [ ] You claimed a pyramid-scheme/chain letter for money was legal 
 [ ] You forwarded a stupid chain letter
     [ ] And you formatted it badly
     [ ] Tried to justify the fact that you sent it
     [ ] Just forwarded it without saying anything at all
 [ ] You posted in ELitE CaPitALs to look k0OwL
 [ ] You posted a message written in ALL CAPS, and you don't even own a TRS-80
 [ ] Your post was FULL of RANDOM CAPS for NO APPARENT REASON
 [ ] You have profoundly ignorant wrt the purpose of this newsgroup
 [ ] You have profoundly ignorant wrt the purpose of the Internet
 [ ] You have profoundly ignorant
 [ ] You are a luser
 [ ] This has been pointed out to you before
 [ ] Being killfiled you insisted on your right to be listened
 [ ] You had followuped the *PLONK*
 [ ] You tried to play SpeedBump with your From: line
 [ ] And made him look intelligent in comparison with you
 [ ] You made several Last Postings To This Group(tm)
 [ ] You claimed to be USENET veteran, demonstrating the clue level of
     average WebTV user
 [ ] You didn't do anything specific, but appear to be so generally
     worthless that you are being flamed on general principles

 
It is recommended that you:
 
 [ ] Get a clue
 [ ] Get a life
 [ ] Go away
 [ ] Grow up
 [ ] Never post again
 [ ] Read every newsgroup you posted to for a week 
 [ ] stop reading Usenet news and get a life
 [ ] stop sending Email and get a life
 [ ] Bust up your modem with a hammer and eat it
 [ ] Do your own homework
 [ ] Have your medication adjusted
 [ ] Jump into a bathtub while holding your monitor
 [ ] find a volcano and throw yourself in
 [ ] Return your stupid WebTV set
 [ ] get a gun and shoot yourself
 [ ] Actually post something relevant
 [ ] Read the FAQ
 [ ] stick to FidoNet and come back when you've grown up
 [ ] stick to AOL and come back when you've grown up
 [ ] stick to WebTV and come back when you've grown up
 [ ] Apologize to everybody in this newsgroup
 [ ] consume excrement
 [ ] consume excrement and thus expire
 [ ] Post your tests to alt.test/misc.test
 [ ] Put your home phone number in your ads from now on
 [ ] Refrain from posting until you have a vague idea what you're doing

 In Closing, I'd Like to Say:
 
 [ ] You need to seek psychiatric help
 [ ] Take your gibberish somewhere else
 [ ] *plonk*
 [ ] Learn how to post or get off Usenet
 [ ] Most of the above
 [ ] All of the above
 [ ] Some of the above, not including All of the above
 [ ] You are so clueless that I didn't even bother filling in this form
 [ ] Have a nice day.

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